More Elderly Parents Living With Adult Children

by Ryan Malone on October 19, 2008 · View Comments

in Uncategorized

There was a very interesting article on MSNBC this weekend. While there is much discussion about the pros and cons of assisted living versus home care, one rarely hears about children who have taken their parents’ care into their homes.  This article adds color to that discussion.

SEATTLE – New census data shows a record number of elderly parents are now living with their adult children. In the past seven years, the number has surged by 62 percent.

Higher housing costs, the economy and the cost of medical care all play a role in the trend. And caring for an elderly parent isn’t easy, especially when you’re trying to hold a job. Forty percent of caregivers who work full time report missing work on a regular basis as they try and meet the needs of an elderly loved one.

“I want her at home,” said Lucille Shaffer, who has suddenly become caregiver to her 84-year-old mother, Maria.

Maria was diagnosed with dementia just a few months ago. That’s when Shaffer insisted her mother come to live with her and her husband.

“I love her,” said Shaffer.

The love is strong, but the transition is difficult. Caring for her mother while holding a full time job is a staggering task.

“I felt just very saddened and burdened because I didn’t feel I could care for mom completely,” said Shaffer.

Eighty percent of caregivers like Shaffer report emotional strain. And more children than ever are caring for their elderly parents at home.

According to U.S. Census Bureau data, 2.3 million elderly parents were living with their kids in the year 2000. By last year, the number had jumped to 3.6 million.

Suzie Huard is now lending a helping hand. Hired through Senior Helpers, she arrives each day to prepare dinner and keep Maria company.

“I know that I’m giving her daughter a break and that she is safe and well cared for,” said Shaffer.

For Shaffer, Huard is more than a helper. She’s a savior.

“I can take a deep breath because I felt a huge sense of relief,” said Shaffer.

Shaffer wants to share her experiences. She plans on starting a support group for adult children caring for their parents on the first of the year.

  • Anika
    @Bill:
    Bill. I pray that you try your very best to look at the time you have with your mother and value that instead of feeling burdened. You didn't mention children but if you have them; this would be a great time for mom and the kids to spend time togther.
    You mom lived her whole life trying to support you. Can you give her 10-15 years? I'm sure your life isn't over.
  • Daria
    @Anika
    Unless you have to care for a parent, you'll never know just how much a trap it is. I know how Bill feels. I've been caring for my since I was 13. I'm 25 now. She's getting better, but doesn't want to go back to work. And she thinks I'm going to care for her for the rest of her life. I've nothing left to give, emotionally nor finacially. I love my mom, but because of her, I feel like I have no life.

    So please don't judge people who are caring for their parents. It can drive even the strongest of people to brink of insanity.
  • Ron
    Are there any web sites/internet communities out there (that consists of the elderly living with their adult children), that chat/messageboard with one another on the site?
  • Bill
    I would like to know how you are paying for this caregiver. Here in Missouri it costs about $17 - $22 per hour. at 4 hours a day that is $68 and for each day of the week that is $476 and for the month that is $1904. Before I lost my job of $45,000 that is half of my pay. At 49 I feel trapped. No time to do anything and no resources to help and where I do go they all say the same thing. Put her in assisted living. Which means sell her home and use all of our inheritance. Basically go broke first, then the State will help. I expect her to leave about 10 more years which means I'll be taking care of her till I'm 60. Then I'll have my own health problems. Really bitter and cynical about the whole think. If I was rich it wouldn't be a problem but I'm not. My life is over.
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